I'ma take your girl out
by ClaraZorEl
Summary: Based on that tumblr post in which a dude enlist the help of his lesbian roommate to throw his homophobic girlfriend out. James is an asshole and Sam and Alex have a surprising amount of lesbians friends ready to come to Lena's rescue.


A low ray of winter sun is making it's way into the living room, pleasantly warming the side of Alex's face that isn't snuggled into her girlfriend's chest. It's a very nice afternoon, Sam's roommate is out with her subpar boyfriend and they're peacefully watching a movie, alone.

Well until the front door slams open and Lena's voice rings through the flat in a way that makes even field trained agent Alex Danvers scared.

"For the last time James, I may be your girlfriend but I'm also your boss and you can't go around undermining my authority during board meetings."

"Yeah well it's hard being your boyfriend when you're all mighty and powerful."

"I am not going to apologize for hurting your precious manhood just by doing my job."

"Are you ever gonna take my feelings into account ?!" James yell, slamming is messenger bag on the table hard enough to make both Alex and Sam jump out of the couch ready to defend Lena. "Oh great." he snarks "The lesbians are here."

"Unlike Sam." Lena says in a low, controlled, voice "You don't live here, so feel free to get out if the sight of my best friend and her lovely girlfriend makes you that uncomfortable."

"You can't just throw me out, I basically live here ! I'm your boyfriend !" James whines in a childish way that results in the three women snorting back their laughter.

"Last time I checked, your name isn't on the lease. Get out."

Alex has to elbow Sam who is painfully holding back her glee.

"You can't just boss me around Lena, we're not at work !"

"That's not me being your boss, that's me being your bisexual ex-girlfriend and I'm tired of seeing your face."

Sam and Alex are so busy high-fiving that they don't register James pushing Lena out of his way and marching right to the bedroom until they hear the tale tell sound of the lock signaling he just locked himself in, presumably so that Lena can't throw him out.

Lena stands for a few moments, gaping, which, while absolutely entertaining to Alex, is still a weird look on her CEO friend, before she determinately marches toward the bedroom and starts pounding on it. "James. Don't be a fucking child, get out of here !"

"If I have to go, they have to go. I don't want you hanging around with dy-"

"Don't you dare finishing that sentence Olsen !" Lena slams her hand on the door, hard, before wheeling around and marching straight to Sam and Alex. "Call every lesbian you know, we're smoking that fucktwat out."

It takes Alex less than half an hour to gather six glorious lesbians under Lena's bedroom window ; it truly is a testament to the power of lesbianism. Imra and Gayle, the cute couple from the gay bar are here, and she also called agent Vasquez from work, who brought her girlfriend Lucy, who happens to be her sister Kara ex-girlfriend, who in turn called Alex's own ex, Maggie. Per her instruction, they are all wearing their best plaid shirts and Kara even took the time to reshave her sides so her hair is pristinely gay.

Alex clasps her hands behind her back, channelling her FBI agent persona to order her gay troops. "Alright. We're here to rescue Lena by getting her ex out of the bedroom. I guess I could have picked the lock but it's funnier this way. So what we're gonna do is climb in by the window and be gay. Those of you who have a crush on Lena even though you never even met her, please don't be creepy." Alex pointedly looks at Kara who stares right back, trying, and failing, to raise an eyebrow in a challenging way.

Alex claps her hand once and her lesbians disperse, boosting each others up to get to the window. "Very impressive babe" Sam whispers, kissing her on the cheek. It's a gentle and casual gesture that is habitual between them, but it still makes Alex blush. "Can we kick his ass when he cowers out of the flat ? Because I've been waiting a long time to do this."

"Well sure. But if Maggie arrests you I'm not sure she'll take my FBI card seriously, she's over this threat, I used it one time too many."

"I can kick his ass discreetly ?" Sam pouts.

Alex barks a laugh, playfully bumping her shoulder against her girlfriend before turning her gaze towards the climbing lesbians. Unsurprisingly, Kara is the first to have reached the window and she pries it open easily. Alex counts exactly thirteen seconds after her sister jumps inside the bedroom followed by the rest of the team before James starts screaming at the top of his lungs. She can't see much from where she stands, though she thinks she catch Lucy and Susan making out, but through the open window, she can hear Kara and Maggie engaging in a rap battle exclusively composed out of TV lesbians. It takes James 57 more seconds to come running out of the building, tripping on his feet and sprawling on the ground right in front of Sam who smiles in a feral kinda hot way. Cheers explode from inside of the flat as Lena appears at the window, throwing his stuff out.

Kara materializes right beside her, casually leaning on the windowsill to introduce herself.

Lucy and Susan are making out in a corner while Imra and Gayle are showing pictures of their cat to Maggie who is keeping an eye on her phone for news from a Kate from Tinder. Hayley Kiyoko is playing softly in the background and with their collective efforts they somehow managed to gather exclusively rainbow party supplies. Lena though doesn't seem to care much, entranced as she is by Kara.

"You know you're not being super subtle, right ?" Sam says, handing Alex a glass of Lena's expensive wine.

"Shhh." Alex whispers "I'm trying to listen. Sit with me."

Sam lets her girlfriend pull her down to the floor, and they huddle behind the couch where Kara and Lena have been talking for the past two hours. They lean in close to each others, seemingly lost in their own little world. Alex spent a good amount of time just watching them from afar but she decided to get closer and just listen after she got sick of seeing her sister not so subtly flex her biceps. And she's pretty sure she saw Lena drooling.

"So, is there any way I can get you to leave LordTech to come work at LCorp ? I promise you'll have a bigger lab and free reign on your research. And also a very available CEO, to answer any of your complaints."

Alex swears that Lena's voice is way sultrier than it should be for a job offer.

"Well that depends on your HR policy on relationships."

Behind the couch, Sam doubles over laughing while Alex mimics throwing up.

"How so ?" Lena asks in a way that suggest she knows exactly what Kara is suggesting.

"Well see, I was thinking about asking you out." Kara simply says.

Alex chokes on her wine and starts coughing and before Sam can find a way to silence her, both Lena and Kara turn around to look over the couch. Kara tries to find something to throw at her sister, but before she can launch her cushion, Lena slips a hand on her shoulder and says : "Sure. I'm available whenever you are. What did you have in mind ?"

And Kara, Sam and Alex are all so distracted by Lena's answer and the sudden appearance of her hand casually resting on Kara's shoulder, that none of them notice Lena slowly emptying her wine glass over the couch.

Right over Alex's head.


End file.
